so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
