You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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