I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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