So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
