Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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