Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am naked and annoyed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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