you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
