Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
