Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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