Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
