Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
