Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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