So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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