I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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