He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
