it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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