I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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