My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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