did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
