the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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