this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
