There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
