That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
