omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
