I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
