Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
