your parents love me but you hate me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
