why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
