i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
