Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize