It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
