I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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