She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
