dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
