bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
