He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
