Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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