marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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