I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
