he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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