She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
