i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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