I can text with my tongue
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
