I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize