I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
