I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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