Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
