ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
