My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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