He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
