did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
