there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cannot find my penis.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
