i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
