ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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