also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
